Recovering From Grief And Loss

How do you recover from unimaginable pain? Where do you turn when the reality of your loss follows you wherever you go? Dealing with intense grief may be the most difficult situation you will ever face.

Scotland sunset and recovery from loss Grief and recovery boy on beach Girl dealing with grief Winter sea with waves of discontent Boy recovering on bench in a garden Sad girl Lonely chair Teardrop Two people walking abreast at the park Sunset at beach Sunset through trees Sun rays of recovery shining through clouds of grief

Everyone handles tragedy differently. This site is about how my children and I handled ours.

This is what our journey was like, what helped us to heal and still be a family; what brought understanding and acceptance to something that didn't make sense at all.

If I had my way, no one would feel this kind of pain. Though I can't change what has happened to you or take away your pain, perhaps I can walk with you and together we can find some of your answers.


Picking Up the Pieces

Tragic events don't end your life; they become a part of your life. PK

A death feels like something has been stolen from us. It has! The person, the intact family, the way we were together: all gone. Abrupt. Cruel. Final.

And yet, though it may feel like a thoughtless insult, in a very real and undeniable way something has also been added to your life. When you gain the perspective that distance and healing provides, you will realize that you are not the same person you were when you lost your loved one. In fact, you will never be that person again. And that, strange though it may seem, can be a good thing. Continued...

My Story


 

It was Christmas Eve, a beautiful, sunny day with a clear, blue Montana sky. We slept late that morning. I said good-bye to my husband and drove 10 minutes down the road, to the company where we both worked. Our plan was that I would tie up some loose ends at work and then when he got to work, I would go home and spend the rest of the day with the children, getting ready for Christmas.

We were excited. Michael had been working nights and week-ends to buy computers for the kids. They were hidden in the basement, ready to be set up for their Christmas surprise.

I had been at work for less than an hour when a friend arrived and told me there had been a terrible accident on the highway just up the road and that someone had been killed. A tremor ran through me. I called home. My daughter answered and said that Daddy had left about five minutes ago.

I grabbed my keys, telling my friends I was going up to the site of the accident (just a quarter of a mile up the highway) to "make sure it wasn't Michael".

My Story continued...

The Road To Recovery


 

What happens when, by a cruel twist of fate, a loved one is suddenly taken away? When you experience a traumatic life event—that moment in your life where everything changes—the harsh reality is that, unbelievably, life continues.

You keep breathing. The hours pass. The sun rises and sets. The mail gets delivered. Meals are prepared. Events continue to unfold in the outside world.

It took time to recognize that, like it or not, I was still a part of the world. I remember thinking: Even with all that has happened, I am expected to participate. I must get up each morning and continue to "deal". This is the road and the sad truth that confronts me every day.

Life happens to me and I respond or I run out to meet it and make things happen myself. Either way, I'm on the road. I must continue traveling toward something: walking, crawling, sometimes barely moving, sometimes crashing into the guardrail. But still the road presents itself every day, every moment.

It's not easy or predictable. There are perilous bumps in this road and I've made my share of mistakes. More...